“Rejoice in the Lord always , again I will say Rejoice ! “

Philippians 4:4

Bells and boughs , candies and cookies , stars and candles , cake and wine ..

Its Christmas time !

Will this be an unusual Christmas?

The dreary world , still under the attack of the virulent virus slowly drags itself to its feet .. Not her former self yet .. Many countries are staring at a Christmas lockdown .

We would miss our Midnight Masses on Christmas Eve , Santa would be spotted moving around shopping areas and city squares by very few kids!

Less goodies on our tables , less decorations on our trees , less family reunions, less laughter in our homes , for everyone on this planet now knows someone who has been a victim of Covid 19.

A quieter Christmas.. Many countries during wars or under oppressive regimes must have gone through such gloomy conditions; Yet they would have found strength and hope in the Lord .

Isn’t that what Christmas is all about ? After all, the first Christmas was in a dark cave . Our Lord and king was born in the humblest of homes .. That very night, the holy family had to flee to Egypt to escape Herod’s evil scheme .

There were no celebrations when the King of the universe was born ; Very few accepted him .

Now when he comes again will my heart be like that of the inn keeper who refused to him shelter ?

Or will I be like one of the poor shepherds who rushed to the manger with hearts brimming with joy , with no tinge of doubt ?

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit “

Romans 15:13

“Out of the depths I cry to you ,O Lord

Lord , hear my voice !

Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications! “

Psalm 130:1&2

Ever since I could remember November was one of my favourite months .. The misty mornings , warm afternoons and the clear, star studded skies … There was always expectancy in the air .. Christmas was just around the corner – the promise of a long holiday with the Christmas tree, the cakes ,and the goodies and the laughter of friends and relatives around us .

Though November was dedicated to the departed souls, I had chosen not to remember it as such ..Death was so distant ; something that happened to others but not to us ..

However , November these days drags in a heavy heart . It’s the month both my parents passed away ..

To once again resume the charting of my journey from where I had meandered .. Our move to the same town brought us closer to my parents.. Home was just 250 kms away .. Often we found ourselves going down the green mountains to my home town , a small sliver of land by the Arabian Sea.

My Mother always insisted that we reached before lunch .A table groaning under the weight of all kinds of delicious dishes would await us, much to the delight of my son . There would be evenings spent on the beach .. walking on the moon lit sand followed by a sumptuous dinner and an ice cream at a his favourite restaurant.My Dad would take his little friend on his daily visits to his sister’s house.

Meanwhile his school was growing and there were more kids now in his class.. The kids had grown too .. The girls and the boys had separate gangs now and Jeff wasn’t in either of them . Those days I had no idea about what was happening at school . All I noticed was that his interest to go to school had waned considerably..

Looking back I presume that our weekend haunts must have made up for all that unhappiness .

Soon we got a very distressing news from home .My Dad suffered a heart attack while attending a funeral of his colleague( he was walking uphill towards the cemetery.. ) The medications that followed interfered with the functioning of his kidneys and soon his health deteriorated. He was in and out of the hospital several times a month and our visits became very frequent.

Jeff saw a different Grandpa- the strong man who could always come up with a solution to any crisis looked weak and tired . We were bombarded by incessant questions as his logical mind strove to find an answer . Was it the fried chicken he enjoyed or was the occasional drink that caused this ?

Our drives weren’t interesting anymore . Often I found myself wishing that there were no mountains between these two towns . As my parents were staying by themselves each phone call made us anxious to reach home at the soonest .

One such day we had received a call from my anxious mother ; he was hospitalised again and things didn’t look good . My panic stricken heart uttered many a prayer as I feared the worst . I prayed fervently that nothing should happen till I reached home .

The sky was downcast as we went down the mountains. I looked down into the valley in despair wondering when we would reach the plains – I could see a dark green mass of trees dotted with a few scattered silhouettes of buildings .. and then I spotted a glowing golden church with its spires .. That evening the setting sun had chosen to bathe only this church with its golden beams ., Was it a sign ? I do not know ; but I took it as one and was convinced that it was , as I found my father sitting on the hospital bed , in a much better state than we had expected…

Months later on a gloomy November evening he moved on , leaving all of us .. and my son came know what death meant to those left behind ..

“Blessed are those who mourn , for they shall be comforted “

Matthew 5:4

“A great portent appeared in heaven a woman clothed with the Sun , with the moon under her feet and in her head a crown of twelve stars ..”

Revealtion 12:1

My earliest memories of Mother Mary is connected to my school chapel .. a beautiful red building that stood close to the boundary wall of our school compound. The chapel had two side doors opening out to the garden that framed our play ground .. These doors were always open , welcoming the little ones whose biggest worries must have been an unfinished homework or the periodical tests !

In a quiet corner of the church stood a beautiful statue of Mother Mary , with her radiant face turned towards heavens , hands clasped in prayer ..Under her dainty feet was the serpent its head , crushed . I had heard of the vicious serpent who had caused the ouster of Adam and Even from the garden of Eden . And I was amazed by Mary who could trample upon the serpent with no fear whatsoever!

Years went by.. My son was diagnosed with Autism; and I was really upset with Mother Mary . I had always prayed for her protection and I couldn’t understand why this would happen to him.

This time I found myself again in an empty church , a thousand miles away from my school chapel , intensely gazing at another statue of Mother Mary .. I do not remember asking her anything but I am sure she saw my tears and heard my silent query ..

I could see her eyes on me , so full of life , so compassionate and loving .. I do not have the right words to describe her eyes .. I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me .. I walked to the left and to the right , went back and forth …Her eyes still followed me ! Many times I have stood at exact spot before but have never had this experience. I was overwhelmed by a myriad of emotions.. Those moments are some of my most comforting memories ..

I went to the church many times after that day ,but always found her eyes transfixed at the distant horizon ..

Our heavenly mother cares for all her children.. Who better than her ,would know the pain that a mother undergoes for her child ?

Then he said to his disciple , “Here is your mother …

John19:27

“You are the God who makes wonders ;

You have displayed your might among the peoples “

Psalm 77:14

It was in the year 2002 that God TV entered Indian broadcast scene ; the first evangelical TV for the Indian audience . Christians across all denominations were yearning for more insight on the word of God , apart from the Sunday sermons and the annual retreats .

God’s word was heard in our drawing rooms , bringing comfort and joy to the listeners . Soon televangelists, Benny Hinn, Joyce Meyer and Creflo Dollar became household names ..

After a few more years Pastor Benny Hinn decided to include our city in his miracle crusades , much to the chagrin of some ! There were protests and banners denouncing him and calling him an imposter . Even the major daily , Times of India printed disparaging reports about him ; According to them this convention would also be a burden on our city’s resources as thousands from the neighbouring states would land up at the venue .

However the miracle crusade did take place . It was held in a sprawling ground at the outskirts ; The protests turned out to be a blessing .. The inaugural session was attended by the bishops of all the denominations along with the pastors of major Gospel churches ; a rare and much needed symbol of Christian unity .

On the second day , we too decided to attend the meeting ; though ,more out of curiosity. On our way we had planned to stop at a petrol pump for refuelling ; but things did not work out the way we had planned . There were instances of stone pelting ; though no stone landed on our car , we were forced to follow the steady stream of cars going to the venue . My husband assured me that we had enough petrol in the tank to reach the pump on our way back .

That night the word of God was preached under the moonlit skies, eloquently & fearlessly. The choir sang its way to our hearts lifting up our wearisome souls. There were many who went up to the stage testifying to healings received .Of these I found the testimony of a man who claimed to have been healed of limping , a bit strange. His overenthusiasm in doing somersaults across the stage looked comical .

After the session, we were in for a shock. The police men who were managing the crowd asked us to take a different route. . We tried to tell them how crucial it was for us to get to a petrol pump as early as possible. Moreover this new route was totally unfamiliar to us ; but they were in no mood to listen. So we drove on , my anxious eyes glued to the fuel indicator ; the thought of being stranded on the road with my son was frightening. The road that seemed to stretch ahead endlessly was a mud road with no sign post and no human inhabitation what soever !

Finally after what seemed to be eternity, we reached the main road ; after a few minutes much to our relief , we found ourselves in front of a petrol pump.

And lo & behold ! The red needle of the fuel indicator was still on the very same dot !! There was absolutely no chance that we could have made it till the pump with the amount of fuel in the tank !! Yes ! We received a miracle that night !!

The next day’s edition carried more scathing reports about Benny Hinn . The man who did somersault on the stage the previous night , was apparently a decoy , sent by the newspaper. How come, this God man , screamed the newspaper, wasn’t able to make that out ?

With the advent of internet , one comes across all kinds of controversies surrounding televangelists ..Many claim that these healings are not real . If we believe in the word of God , shouldn’t we also believe in the healings described in the Bible ? If we believe that Jesus listens to our prayers , what stops us from believing that he could heal us even now ?

And most importantly why do we think it’s the holiness of the preacher that brings about healings ? Isn’t that the Grace of God that falls on us , sinners and the righteous alike, that brings about healing ?

I did express my thoughts in the form of a letter to the editor but as expected , it was not published . We unsubscribed and chose another daily known for unbiased reporting and adherence to journalistic ethics .

“And now , Lord , look at their threats and grant to your servants to speak your word with all boldness , While you stretch out your hand to heal , and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus “.

Acts 4:30

“Another angel with a golf censer came and stood at the altar ; he was given a great quantity of incense to offer with the prayers of all the saints on the golden altar that is before the throne . And the smoke of the incense , with the prayers of the saints , rose before God from the hand of the angel.…”

Revelation 8:3&4

When my son was diagnosed with Autism at the age of three , he had barely 15 words in his vocabulary. He had poor eye contact with strangers and limited non verbal communication . That was not all .There were marked oral motor deficits alongside gross motor & fine motor issues .Every year the candles on his birthday day cake were a blown out by us in a coordinated effort . He couldn’t blow. His inability to spit, made him swallow the phlegm whenever he had a bout of severe cold .

However the primary concern was mostly about the most obvious difficulty , communication– speech. We hadn’t really shared our worries with anyone else other than our immediate family. But we couldn’t keep it to ourselves given the unavoidable extended family web . Soon we were hit by a deluge of suggestions , opinions and unsolicited advice! This proved to be more disconcerting than the disorder itself ! There was something comforting too .. Some of them had started storming the heavens ,interceding for my son .

One such person was my paternal aunt -A Catholic religious sister , who wrote long letters to me assuring me of her prayers . It was a major source of solace for me as she reminded me of the unfailing love of the Lord .She suggested that we visited the shrine of St Alphonsa , the first saint from India .Those days she was only beatified, ie not yet a saint, but a blessed servant of God . There were many reports of healings attributed to her intercession.

Somewhere along the way , I had stopped my prayers seeking intervention of saints . I felt God was listening to my prayers ; And this wouldn’t make much difference. Wouldn’t God listen to the cries of a mother ?

My scepticism however didn’t win ; for my Dad knew how insistent his sister could be ! We could also visit her as her convent was situated within a few kilometres of the church where Blessed Alphonsa was buried . Finally all of us , including my Dad and Mum found ourselves on the road leading to the shrine .

As I entered the portals of the chapel , I was struck by the reverential silence that permeated the atmosphere, unlike other shrines here in India . In the fading sunlight I could make out the silhouette of a few women knelt down , with their hands folded in prayer . Apparently they were fasting and praying the whole day ; Their devotion made me feel like an intruder .. I too knelt down in front of the Tabernacle in adoration , offering my prayers to the Lord for my son . I quickly managed an apology to St Alphonsa for my unbelief in intercession. Even if the prayers worked how could I expect her to pray for someone like me, who would be spending only a few minutes in prayer in the chapel ?

We visited a few more churches in the vicinity and paid a visit to my loving , exuberant aunt . The nuns were only too happy to fill us with stories of many miracles connected to Blessed Alphonsa.

On the way back , we sat silently , each lost in his or her thoughts. I pondered over all that I had heard that day .. Questions kept popping up in my mind ..Was it the strong faith with which one prays in such holy places believing he would be heard , that brings forth such blessings? After all, faith can move mountains..

And then, it happened ! My son leaned over to me , whining , and pulled out my hand . Before I could make out what he wanted , he spat on the palm of my hand! That frothy blob of saliva looked so beautiful to me ! A miracle that I never prayed for ! But what was needed at that point of intervention!

An important turning point in my spiritual journey!

“I thank my God for every time I remember you constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you ..”

Philippians 1:3&4

” Wait for the Lord ;

Be strong , and let your heart take courage;

Wait for the Lord ”

Psalm 27:14

When we follow the divine plan in our journey, we expect everything to slide in to the grooves automatically& sequentially , especially if we had tuned in only recently!

However this may not happen always and you are made to wait , trusting in God’s providence !

When we realised the school was the right place for Jeff , the next logical step was my husband relocating to our town . He was a hundred miles away from us .It was tough on him to walk into an empty house after a hard day’s work . For us too, the evenings were proving to be rather long without him.

The town we were staying in , could boast only of a few companies and it was difficult to find a suitable post . We were thrilled when he got a good offer from a reputed company . Without further ado , he gave up his current job and moved in with us . It was such a relief !

Then came the unexpected blow ! The recession set in and the company withdrew the offer with a polite letter of regret ! It was getting increasingly difficult to find another job opportunity in the changed scenario. Somehow ,I managed to stay positive, by reading God’s word and trusting in his promises . As days passed by with no other option in sight , my husband found it tough to stay positive . We also came to know that back home ,his mother who has been ailing for sometime was also making frequent trips to the hospital.

That was the time I suggested that he attended a charismatic retreat at Divine Retreat Centre in Kerala. He could also spend some days with his ailing mother . I never thought he would agree to my suggestion as he had always dismissed the charismatic way of prayer .. Loud worship sessions weren’t his cup of tea!

But God works when you least expect it ! He came home after the trip , with a brand new personal Bible and a rejuvenated heart ! The furrows on the forehead were gone ! There was hope in the air !

Sure enough within a few weeks , he was blessed with a job offer ! The company was much smaller than the ones he was used to , but the job profile was interesting and it did give him some unexpected opportunities in the years ahead !

Word of God sustained me in those days of uncertainty and I once again realised no one who waited on the Lord , would be disappointed.If he allows misfortune, that would turn out to be for our own benefit!

“We know that all things will together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose “

Romans 8:28

“O give thanks to the Lord,

Call on his name ;

Make known his deeds among the peoples “

Psalm 105:1

Our life in the new town refreshingly different .slower ..calmer ..

My son’s school was housed in a spacious red tiled bungalow surrounded by a beautiful garden, lined with huge fig trees .Petunias of different hues dancing against the background of lush green lawn welcomed me whenever I visited the school .. My memories of sitting out in the porch with the Founder principal , an excellent academician and an outstanding special educator , are still so precious to me !

I remember how intently she would listen to me , assuaging my fears & concerns about the future. She too had a healing experience and had promised God that she would turn her life around and do something for the forgotten ones in the education system here . This school was her dream , where kids with difficulties learnt alongside neurotypicals.

Never once did I have to be apologetic about Autism with her . Right from our first meeting, I sensed her positivity and her belief in the potential of the child . She asked me to sit in his classroom for a day , thereby allaying my worries . I saw that he was in good hands ; The class teacher handled him very well , giving him personal attention whenever needed .

I experienced a new freedom ! No more worrying about his classes ; no more cooking till evening too ! I ventured out of my autistic world and made some friends in the apartment with the other fellow mothers .. Soon I found myself in a small group and then a bigger one .In the beginning I did find them to be helpful but as days passed by , there were too many outings ..Not my cup of tea ! Before Jeff was diagnosed , I was working and my outings were restricted to weekends , that too not all weekends . I still prefer to curl up with a book than go shopping.

But I did indulge them a bit as I thought it was a social obligation. Then there were potluck lunches which slowly started to be linked with some religious ceremony as the numbers increased . A huge source of discomfort for me ! Here in India Monotheism is not understood or accepted by a vast majority. Reluctance to worship is often considered disrespectful as most of them would not hesitate to pray in a church.

Slowly I drifted away to the periphery and made a graceful exit or so I thought!! This was not seen kindly and created a lot of misunderstanding; I was left to wonder why this was taken so personally.

There I was , alone .. but somehow it didn’t matter much . I was at ease with my conscience . I prayed for serenity as it wasn’t a pleasant experience to be the topic of many an unfortunate discussion.

But for me ,there was& there will be ,only one true God , God of Israel , Isaac & Jacob . And I wouldn’t bend my knees before another !

“I am the Lord your God , who brought you out of the land of Egypt out of the house of slavery ; you shall have no other Gods before me “

Exodus 20:2

There was only one problem; my heart wasn’t really following what Jesus taught us –

“Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you ; Bless those who curse you and pray for those who abuse you”

Luke 6:27

Praying for them wasn’t difficult but forgiving them truly was tough as it became a continuous process ; There was nothing amiss as far as appearances were concerned . I wished someone would talk to me and clear the air . I was clueless and I kept praying as bitterness was creeping into my heart .

Soon new residents came in and I was able to make long lasting friendship with some ! Some of them weren’t Christians but that never was a hindrance!! Once more I felt God would always do the little things that make our lives beautiful!

“As a father who has compassion on his children , so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him “

Psalm 103:13

“The steadfast love of the Lord

never ceases,

his mercies never come to an end ,

they are new every morning ;

great is thy faithfulness ”

Lamentations 3:23&24

Extended lockdown ensures extended time travels !

As I retrace my steps on the immense sands of time , some amazing experiences during our sojourn at the new location , pop up !

The first of such incidents was during our initial days when Jeff & I were alone all the weekdays . My husband was still working at the metropolitan city around 150 kms away . Every Friday night, Jeff would sit up waiting excitedly for his Dad . We would spend the weekend exploring this historic town .

The school was hardly a 10 minute walk away ; Jeff had to be ready only by half past eight ; The school bus would stop right in front of our apartment ; this was their last stop in the morning and the first in the evening. Gone were the days he had to spend hours in the maddening traffic ,on his way to school !

However we missed our parish community and the Sunday mass at our church..Here in the outskirts of the town , the mass was celebrated in the local language; so was the faith formation classes . Our knowledge of the regional language was very basic ; not sufficient to follow the readings or the homily . We could find no catholics in our vicinity and so , needless to say on sundays we longed for our metro city !

As days rolled by , I felt really restless and started doubting if this move was God’s plan.. wouldn’t He want us to be fed on HIs word ? Wouldn’t God want us to participate in the mass fruitfully?

Our apartment overlooked a vacant plot abounding in wild vegetation bordered by a distant green hill . At sunset Jeff and I would spent hours watching the birds fluttering away home .. It was fascinating to watch the myriad of colours splashed across the sky .

However, nights presented a different picture altogether.. With the howling of stray dogs (or were they were foxes ? ) and the hooting of owls with the background provided by the screeching crickets , it was like a scene from a horror movie! During monsoon , the casuarina trees added to the drama ,howling and dancing like banshees.

One such rainy night, Jeff and I were sitting on the bed saying our prayers – telling Jesus about our day .. thanking him for our tiny achievements.. telling him about our dreams and our little worries ..

All of a sudden he interrupted the flow and said loudly, “Mom ! When I close my eyes , there’s church in the eye ! ” Given his difficulties in communication, I realised that he was having a vision ! I urged him to go on praying with his eyes closed .

After sometime I asked him “what do you see now ? ”

He said , ” Sacred Heart Church”

“Who is inside the church , Jeff ? I asked excitedly .

Then he said there were only two of them inside – Jesus and Jeff !

My heart was beating at a phenomenal speed by then ! I managed to ask him ; ” Is Jesus telling you something? ”

At this , he giggled and said ; ” Yes ! He says ” stop watching Bollywood songs ! ”

I couldn’t help laughing out loud at this moment! He was only too happy to join in! And truly he was addicted to watching Bollywood songs on TV ! And this was interfering with his learning.

I knew Jeff couldn’t lie even if he wanted to . I didn’t know what to make out of this either !

That weekend, as usual, my husband came home and on Saturday, like every other Saturday, we went around exploring the town . After a while we found ourselves in a beautiful residential area with pretty little cottages of the colonial era sitting comfortably amidst modern residences .. all of them with well kept gardens.

As we turned the corner , happy with our discovery , there it was at our right , silhouetted against the setting sun , Sacred Heart Church ! With a sign board that gleamed – English Mass: 7:30 Am!

I almost fell of my seat ! We were speechless with wonder !

Our God is a God of small things too ! His concern stretches to every tiny area of our lives . He took notice of my silent heart ache and chose to answer me through Jeff !

“Blessed are the pure in heart , for they will see God ”

Matthew 5:8

I rejoiced like never before , counting myself fortunate to be a witness to that incident!

It also made me ponder – Jeff was 11 years or so .If the difficulties of Autism had ensured that he retained his innocence , was it really something I should cry about ?

From that Sunday onwards , all the years we spent in this town , we attended mass at that Sacred Heart Church .

“It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in mortals .

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in princes “

Psalm 118:8

The psalmist seem to echo the thoughts of millions across the globe during these hard days ..

The first week of lockdown was tough ; I used to wake up every morning asking a question to myself , ” Is this a bad dream ? ” The heaviness of my heart only grew more when it would sink in that this was the new normal .. Added to that was the constant questions from my son . He wanted to know when this would all end .Now the lockdown has been extended for another 21 days .

I am quite surprised at the flexibility of his Autistic mind ! He seems to be quite content with this new reality. We are trying our hands at making desserts so that his cravings for ‘ something sweet ‘are somewhat satisfied. He is ,indeed my partner in crime in our dessert experiments!

We now have come up with a schedule for lock down days He loves to clean the house . And he does a thorough job of it ! It is definitely therapeutic as you see the results instantly. But what really cheers him are the video calls with his cousins . He enjoys his little interaction with them . He is keen to know if they are sticking to the protocol and staying safe ! This extends to his uncles ,aunts ,his teachers and friends .However ,we have the liberty(or shall I say right?) to call only our close relatives . They are more than happy to indulge him ; They appreciate his little attempts at sketching or baking with enthusiasm.

My son considers a lot of his former class mates as his friends . But his limited social skills have resulted in a one way friendship with his peers. It is saddening to see him concerned about the persons who , I am afraid do not think about him at all ..

But he counts my friends as his own too . My best friends. especially in the town we moved to , for the sake of his schooling, were very happy to have him around . Whenever I needed to go to a doctor , they took care of him . Sometimes they would invite him over when they made something that he loved to eat . I felt so secure in this new place . My husband joined us soon and by God’s grace was able to find a job even though it was recession times . The new job required him to take some official trips but it wasn’t stressful for me at all . God had already provided us a safety net of compassionate & loving friends !

Added to that were some of his dear teachers –It was really overwhelming to see how they had gone the extra mile to understand the curious working of his mind . His head teacher too had genuine concern about him ; I could visit the school anytime I wanted . She would patiently listen to my concerns and tried her best to address them . Sometimes it wasn’t easy for her . Not all teachers were gifted with an open mind ! She gave me invaluable advice about managing his adolescence too.

Life moved at a very slow pace at this new town – a quiet town with no traffic snarls. It didn’t have a mall when moved in . But green hills , emerald paddy fields and a shimmering river bordered this town . There were many hill stations within a hundred miles or so . A week end trip never looked so tempting!

Within a few months of relocating from our metropolitan city to this quiet town , I could confidently declare that it was indeed the plan of God ! And who has a better plan than Him who loves you the most ? My parents, who were truly worried about this major decision felt relieved too !

“Praise the Lord !

O give thanks to the Lord for he is good;

For his steadfast love endures forever ! ”

Psalm 106:1

” You are my hiding place and my shield;

I hope in your word ”

Psalm 119:114

Once again I take the poetic license of transgressing time boundaries .. My account was originally intended to follow chronological order ; However at times I have been guilty of a sudden crash landing in to the present . There are times when the heart intervenes and makes you pen your present thoughts …

March has been doing a very slow march indeed ! Time has come to a standstill here in India after the announcement of a complete lock down . It has been a week or so since then . Our metropolitan city has become unusually quiet.. The roads in our locality are deserted save for a few transport vehicles carrying essential goods .. There are a few who venture out to buy groceries or medicine; Supermarkets are open only for a few hours .. that too with limited stock . Looks like Corona virus has imprisoned all humanity !

More than anything else , my worry was about my son , Jeff . Change is the greatest enemy of the autistic mind . And how drastically everything has changed! He was happy with his design classes and the regular training sessions at the gym . Fortunately music lessons have not been resumed after the deacon who was teaching him keyboard got ordained and left our parish . His only interaction with peers was confined to the youth group in our church which met every Sunday .

Churches would be closed .. No classes . No Dining out . No strolling through his favourite street on Sunday evenings .. No haircut .. No gym . The dream of developing a six pack body like a Bollywood star will have to wait ..

There were just too many changes and my weary mind churned up more & more ! I couldn’t even vocalise my fears to God but he listened to my heart !

And Jeff surprised us .. After a few days of struggle, he accepted the inevitable as he came to know about Covid 19. Google is his favourite hang out when something confounds him – the space where all his the unexpressed questions are answered. I am sure he knows more than any of us about this pandemic now ! Tracking The virus around the world is my husbands favourite past time. That too helped , as he realised that situation is the same all over the world.

If I say my son enjoys good food , it would be an understatement! Food has to be the way he wants it .. In a way we are responsible for this as from the very beginning his reinforcer was food. Every achievement was rewarded with his favourite meal . And somewhere along the line , he became very rigid . An extra shallot in the curry was unacceptable . That could spoil his day and ours too as he would get in to the mode of repetitive questions.. .. On the other hand , his favourite breakfast could lift up his spirits in a very tangible way .

This period has proved to be a learning experience for him & for us ! He quickly realised that he had to eat whatever was served .. He does get upset now and then but calms down quickly. This gave us an opportunity to talk about the ones who are eating only rice at all times and those who have very little to eat . I have always given him a traditional South Indian breakfast every morning. The coastal state that we belong to , boasts of a variety of yummy & healthy breakfast dishes !I am not sure how long we will be able to get the ingredients needed as we are staying in the neighbouring state now .

As for me , this is a time for introspection. All the blessings which my eyes couldn’t see before , appear so bright before my eyes – our church , our strolls in the parks , the restaurants, trip to our hometown, the great out doors and more than anything else our freedom to move about ! All this came from ABBA , our loving father .and all of this was taken for granted .. My heart is now filled with gratitude as the realisation that I have nothing except what has been gifted by God , sinks in .. more strongly than ever before ..

And I am not worried about where all this will lead .. The one who feeds every sparrow and clothes every lily splendidly , will take care of us too !

“Look at the birds of the air , they neither sow , nor reap nor gather into barns , and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them . Are you not of more value than they ? ”

Matthew 6:26