O Lord , God of my salvation ,

When ,at night , I cry out in your presence ,

Let me cry come before you ;incline your ear to my cry .

Psalm 88:1

Days turned to weeks , weeks to months , months got together to form semesters .. End of every semester became a deeply stressful period for us – examinations!

There were challenges with the theory papers ; Since the college ( rightly so ) focused on the practical work , theory took a back seat , with the result that all those classes were scheduled towards the end of the semester.

Jeff needs my support in wading through the voluminous syllabus especially – of the history of art which was the core subject – some of it , especially Indian sculpture was hardly relatable ..

The elective subjects were a mix, – some he enjoyed learning . But he needs organisation – a well ordered schedule that allows a mix learning and leisure – slots methodically arranged into his daily routine .

Eleventh hour preparation overwhelms his autistic mind .

To add on to our woes this time , there was no clear cut structure to help the students with special needs – Unlike the school board , the university had no formal system to help us . The authorities seemed unaware of the guidelines put forth by the Government. It became our responsibility to create awareness and sensitivity about Autism and its challenges. However the hierarchy of he system proved to be a major hurdle . Our voices never reached the powers that be .

I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go ; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

Psalm 32:8

The examination centre was another college in the vicinity. The Principal of our college advised us to approach them directly; This proved to be a truly wise piece of advice!

The centre allowed us an extra time of half an hour for every paper ; They also arranged a separate room for those with special needs – Another boy , Jeff’s classmate , also on the spectrum took the help of a scribe for writing was also seated in the same room .We knew this would distract him ; however we decided not to voice our apprehension as it was too late .

But our rocking boat was steadied by the strong hand of God . He urged us not to look at the stormy sea but to repose our faith in him .

We started observing a gradual yet steady change in their attitude towards Jeff and others with special needs.

After the first exam , they decided to keep Jeff in a room all by himself . They even requested us to wait in the reception area, close to his room , to make him more comfortable.

After that semester exam , there was no looking back . The college supported us in whichever way they could ; making the whole exam ordeal less stressful for Jeff .

Even now , examination time is stressful for us – a time when millions of prayers of varying emotions , rise from our home to the heavenly throne . We believe that St Joseph of Cupertino , our favourite intercessor carries them to His presence . Who else could be a better choice other than St Joseph who despite his learning difficulties , managed to clear his ordination exams ?

God has always held us up by his victorious right hand , even during the most difficult examinations .

Do not fear , for I am with you , do not be afraid for I am your God ; I will strengthen you , I will help you , I will uphold you with my victorious right hand .

Isaiah 41:10

God’s mercy has truly followed Jeff – wherever he goes .

Our dependence on his mercy and love has only strengthened through it all .

Who are we but a vapour in the wind ?

My strength and my heart may fail , but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever .

Psalm 73:26

Make a joyful noise to the Lord , all the earth ;

Break forth into a joyous song and sing praises.

Psalm 98:4 .

It’s already Christmas Eve in the eastern part of the world ; preparations for Christmas midnight mass are underway . In a few hours , the world will wake up to Christmas Morn. -Starting at the east side of the globe , light spreads – slowly and steadily , till the entire world is filled with songs of joy.

The birth of Christ liberated the imprisoned souls of yesteryears , his love brought hope to the lost . Christmas brings joy and freedom to our souls too – hearts made cold and unfeeling by the cares of the world .

Christmas reminds us that our saviour , our God , is no stranger to human suffering. He chose to be born as the poorest of the poor , His birth was in a humble manger , far away from the royal dwellings .

Though Jesus was the promised messiah , the only son of God , Mary and Joseph had to undergo many struggles,right from the very beginning . One can imagine how stressful and tedious journey to Bethlehem would have been for an expectant mother , in the late stage of pregnancy.

When it was time for the King of kings to be born , there was no one , not a single soul who would sacrifice their comfort for a mother in birth pangs .

We expect no hardships when we heed the call of the Lord and work for his kingdom. We are puzzled when road blocks hit us in our journey in the form of opposition – either from persons or circumstances. Very often we give up and beat a hasty retreat to our comfort zone .

Christmas inspires us to follow the footsteps of Mary and Joseph – who never questioned or complained when faced with the unforetold situations., for it is when we are at our weakest , God’s power shines . It is then we fully realise what surrender means.

When we depend entirely on Him , his strong arm saves us .. we are never left alone!

“Do not fear , for I am with you ,

do not be afraid, for I am your God ;

I will strengthen you and help you , I will uphold you with my victorious right hand”

Isaiah 41:10

May you have a blessed Christmas! May his unending love fill your hearts ! May your soul be inebriated with divine grace!

For it was you who formed my inward parts ; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you ,for I am fearfully and wonderfully made , Wonderful are your works ..

Psalm 139:13&14

A few days ago , around seventy thousand people at St Peter’s square witnessed a rare event in the history of the church- Two young men – Carlo Acutis & Pier Giorgio Frassati were canonised – A millennial and an early twentieth century young man .

The presence of Carlo Acutis’ parents and siblings made it even more relatable for the millions of viewers around the world who watched it live .

In contrast to the saints of yesteryears , we now have a a regular teen ager of our times – dressed in jeans and a polo shirt , someone who loved football and video games – A boy whose heart overflowed with the love of Christ .

Carlo Acutis reminds us that holiness is possible for a teenager in these troubled times ..We often lament about technology and its negative impact on young minds – The world that we grew up no longer exists. The long tentacles of the Internet has reached even the remotest corners of the world . What chance does a teen ager have in coping with its manipulative web ? . Even the middle-aged are falling victim to its increasingly dangerous theories .The present generation of believers live in constant fear of their kids falling into this black hole.

Carlo Acutis used this very fearful aspect of the new system to spread the love of Christ .His documentation of the Eucharistic miracles on his website attracted many young souls – His peers who are looking for answers in this chaotic,unpredictable world have heard the voice of the Lord whispering to them , especially during the silent adoration of the Holy Eucharist . Consoled and guided by the divine spirit they have found their purpose . They are stepping out into the world fearlessly to lend a helping hand to the marginalised .

How can young people keep their way pure? By guarding it according to your word .

With my whole heart I seek you ;do not let me stray from your commandments.

Psalm 119:9&10

Carlo Acutis had treated every human being with respect. He helped them in whatever ways he could , never compromising with their self respect . We, he insisted , are all Gods creation ..

More than anything else what stands out, is his demeanour at the final moments of his life – Someone close to Jesus , with so much potential to do more , having had to leave at a very young age – yet he joyfully offered his pain along with the sufferings of Christ .

Carlo Acutis is a reminder to everyone regardless of their age , that true love demands sacrifice; A call for us to draw close to the Eucharist and to the cross, for without Cross, there’s no Glory .

Then Jesus said to his disciples,”If any want to become my followers,let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me .For those who want to save their lives will lose it ,and those who lose their life for my sake will find it .“

Matthew 16:24&25

For it was you who formed my inward parts ;

You knit me together in my mother’s womb .

I praise you , for I am fearfully and wonderfully made .

Wonderful are your works ; that I know very well.

Psalm 139:13&14

The classes went ahead with full gusto . Even with the unbearable aspects of the daily commute – the rush hour traffic , the long wait at the traffic lights and the unending honking around , my son’s enthusiasm remained undimmed.

It was a pleasure to watch him saunter into the college campus , greeting everyone with a loud hello ..After the classes , he made sure that he waved at everyone; Even the teachers standing on the corridor sometimes engrossed in an intense discussion , were not spared !

The first year of the bachelor program in visual arts provided the students with an over all view of Painting , Graphic Art , Sculpture and Applied Art . They spent a few months in each department working alongside their seniors . This gave them an opportunity to uncover their own hidden talents and interests so that wise decisions could be made regarding their specialisation the next year .

We had no doubts about the choice – Painting is where his talent lies – Dabbling in the world of colours seemed to cheer him up . However the first year could pose some challenges, Sculpture is what we worried about .. Given his tactile sensitivity issues , we were unsure as to how he would manage his stint at the department. But we were taken by surprise as we saw a video of Jeff , preparing the clay – it was apparently a fun event with all the kids jumping on to the clay & dancing in gay abandon !

Sketching real life subjects proved to a challenge to him – His sketches were distinctly different from those of the others. There were huge expressive faces with diminutive bodies ;disproportionate still life objects .We were baffled ; He too saw the difference and it caused confusion and frustration in his mind -Often did we hear him blurting out- ‘ this isn’t coming out well ‘ while sketching .

Does he need one on one sessions as it has always been with academics ? We wondered for quite sometime . Finally I decided to bell the cat by expressing our concern to the Principal .

Trust in him at all times , O people ;

pour out your heart before him ;

God is a refuge for us .

Psalm 62:8

On a quiet evening, I was able to catch him in the office – he listened attentively and then , in half an hour , succeeded in changing my perception of Art ! With a few examples , he showed me clearly that Art is not just realism – It needn’t reflect what is visible – At its best its interpretation.

The fact that Jeff’s work looks entirely different is something that should be cherished; His unrestrained ,untutored mind would be an asset rather than a drawback . He affirmed that there should be no emphasis on improving his technique currently as it would interfere with his creativity . They would be waiting for his imagination and creativity to unfold unhindered before venturing to improvise his work . He exhorted us to support him , complimenting him whenever possible. I was thankful to him for clearing my jaundiced artistic eye , and for erasing my doubts !

There was another issue to reckon with- We learnt that his over enthusiastic class mates were trying their best to ‘ correct ‘ his work .

One of his teachers handled that issue by selectively praising his work in the class !

The journey of this unique artist has officially begun!

O Lord , Our Sovereign, how majestic is your name in all the earth ! You have st your glory above the heavens ..

When I look at your heavens , the work of your fingers , the moon and the stars that you have established;

what are human beings that you are mindful of them , mortals that you care for them ?

Psalm 8:1, 3-4

In you , O Lord , I take refuge ;

Let me never be put to shame .

In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me ;

Incline my ear to me and save me .

Be to me a rock of refuge , a strong fortress to save me ,

for you are my rock and my fortress .

Psalm 71:1-3

As we reach the mid point of the Lenten season , I can’t help feeling disappointed with myself. I had made a firm resolve to spend an hour in personal prayer everyday . Most of the days , I found myself nodding off the midst of it . Abstaining from my favourite food seemed to be much easier than taking control of my inner life. Try as I might , I couldn’t resist feeling angry and bitter whenever troubles came up .

To top it all , the summer heat seems to be acting like an agent of the evil one – upsetting my son too often . He seems to be getting upset just about anything – weather , food , traffic , change in his time table. Change in the routine has always been a problem but this year it seems to have crossed all the limits . He is extremely perturbed when the weather predictions go wrong . He frantically runs to the balcony to scan the skies for dark clouds whenever the weather app on his phone predicts rain . No rain cloud releases a heavy downpour of repetitive queries at home – most of it unrelated , bordering on absurdity. After a while my patience runs out .

When things calm down , he feels guilty but not as guilty as me ! All my Lenten promises seem to be fading away ..Despite our prayers , he struggles with rigidity in this thought pattern. Does God allow this to increase our patience ? Or is He asking us to pray for all those who struggle with this ? I do not know.

Restore us , O God of hosts ;let your face shine, that we may be saved .

Psalm 80:3

I have been doing a bit of self introspection, leading me to the discovery that I too have issues in this area – the inability to tolerate heat , dust , bright lights or colours in the environment. It could be a sensory issue but my sacrifice for the remaining days , will be to tolerate all these , without complaining.

I hope and pray that I will be able to keep this promise !

When I thought “My foot is slipping ,”your steadfast love ,O Lord , held me up .

Psalm 94:18

One generation shall laud your works to another ,

And shall declare your mighty acts .

On the glorious splendour of your majesty ,and on your wondorous works ,

I will mediate .

Psalm 145:4&5

We made our first steps back into the real world with a lot of trepidation. After Covid we were cocooned in our home , attending on line classes – individual and group .

Going for visual arts program meant navigating the chaotic traffic during peak hours . It had always been a cause of discomfort for Jeff ; Now our hibernation indoors had made it even more challenging. There were on line classes to be squeezed into our schedule too , We came busier than a bumble bee overnight !

But nothing could take away the joy of attending college. Jeff’s happiness overflowed into happy giggles and loud humming every evening. Everyone noticed the change in his confidence!

Meanwhile the next performance of the Theatre group was coming up . This time the show was a unique one – Our director had conceptualised a beautiful amalgam of monologues – where each child gets to speak about their favourite topic .

Our kids had varying interests – from movies to sports – it practically covered all areas . One thing was common – Their interest though limited , was special and unwavering .

This time the preparation was relatively easier . The sessions were easy going , free of any melt downs . Each kid had a personal on line session with Ma’am, where she focused on the rendition and the body movement.

It was time for the curtains to go up once more ! The show was aptly entitled ‘ A star is born ‘

As before , the performance was for a private audience. Sadly most of my relatives and Jeff’s former teachers could not make it this time . However we were blessed with the presence of some of his favourite people !

The curtains went up that evening amidst loud cheering and whistling. Our director in her own special manner , lovingly introduced each act ! Each act had its own unique style with each kid presenting the topic in her / his own charming way ; There were dancing , singing and even a cooking performance!

The topics ranged from James Bond Movies , Super heroes, Cars , Rainbow , Pop stars , Latin dance forms , Bollywood and what not ! They enthralled the audience with their precise knowledge, memory and their meaningful interaction. If they could write a thesis about their favourite topic ,they would have been awarded doctorates without doubt !

Each act had its own unique style, with the young adults presenting the topic in their own charming way ; There were dancing , singing and even a cooking demonstration!

My son had chosen Bollywood . He knew all the actors .He could remember all the movies , the names of their directors , producers and even the dates of release. He was and still is , a walking Bollywood Encyclopaedia ! I had always tried to discourage this , hoping he could use those brain cells for storing some beneficial data !

But all my efforts failed ; Internet came to his rescue when I stopped his access to print media !

But that evening I too was charmed .. As part of the act , he had to be dressed like a Bollywood hero , talk a bit about the history of Bollywood and then close with a few lines and some moves from a popular movie . He was expected to make the audience repeat a few Bollywood names too .

He walked in with a swagger , dressed in glittering ethnic clothes , complete with shades , looking every inch like a Bollywood hero ! The opening line was a question aimed at the audience, to guess the topic of his monologue . The audience burst into laughter, guessing the topic straight away ! He looked a bit uneasy at the loud response but soon recovered and rendered his lines ; it looked as though he took his job too seriously, as he made the audience repeat even the dialogue from a blockbuster movie! The lines urges everyone to live in the moment , to smile and to spread happiness now ,as we do not know if there’s a tomorrow. The audience repeated those lines word by word amidst cloud cheer !His act was truly interactive !

There were many shooting stars that night ! In fact , all the kids showed us that they are stars in their own unique way! The show was a roaring success! It was a live testimony to the transformative power that a responsive , encouraging environment can have , on these young people. The love of the audience spurred them on to do their best !There was no stress of expectations; no pressure of an impending feedback !

The idea to have such a series of monologues even at the risk of sounding uninteresting was a brilliant brainwave ! Something that can only be inspired by the Holy Spirit . Our director was a prayerful lady , open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go ;

I will counsel you with my eye upon you .

Psalm 32:2

Undoubtedly it was a master stroke ! We parents ourselves were uncertain at the outcome when our director first announced it . We were exhilarated to be proved wrong again !. Ma’am revealed to us later that it was the best show that she had ever staged !

I couldn’t agree more ! It was the best show that I had ever seen !

Our stars carry God’s own splendour in them and that night it was truly revealed!

There is one glory of the Sun , and another glory of the Moon , and another glory if the stars ; indeed star differs from star in glory .

1 Corinthian 15:41

You are my God ,and I will give thanks to you :

You are my God , I will extol you .

Psalm 118:28

Another year is disappearing into the vast nothingness .. A year that brought  smiles , laughs , tears .. Now we were left with some memories .. happy and sad .. 

As always 2024  was like a mixed bag of sweets- Sometimes we delved into it and found some delicious chocolate , at times all we got were sour candies . 

No one on the face of the earth can boast to have found only chocolates! 

However our approach makes all the difference. 

Even those who have a personal relationship with God struggle st times. On sunny days , prayer comes naturally. 

Do we have the same demeanour as we are hit with stormy days ? Can we survive them without falling into despair, however temporary it might be ? Do we have he strength to march ahead come rain or sunshine , remembering that we are engraved in the palm of his hand ? 

A resplendent rainbow awaits for us after the heavy downpour. 

Those who wait for me shall never be put to shame

Isaiah 50:23

2025 will be no exception.. 

The Newyear will not  be a continuous flow of happy events .. There will be crests and troughs as we float through the ocean of life . 

But we are not alone .. Aren’t we under the protective eyes of the Father ?

May we all be blessed with steadfast  trust in his love  . That alone will suffice ..

..Do not fear , for I have redeemed you ; I have called you by name ,

You are mine .

When you pass through the waters , I will be with you ;and through the rivers , they shall not overwhelm you ; when you walk through the fire , you shall not be burned , and the flame shall not consume you .

Isaiah 43:1b&2

‘My strength and my heart may fail,

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever ‘

Psalm 73:26

On a cold November evening, we received a call from our hometown ; My father in law had become unconscious; There seemed to be no pulse .

This was something we all feared would happen anytime .. He was 92 years old . Fiercely independent, he had continued to stay all by himself after my Mother in law’s demise . Till he turned a nonagenarian he managed with part time help .

The days of life are seventy years , or perhaps eighty , if we are strong ; even then their span is only till and trouble: they are soon gone ,and we fly away

Psalm 90: 10 .

This time , my son was better prepared for death . Having witnessed all his other grand parents pass away in a span of few years , he had become accustomed to the finality of death – He understood that their disappearance from the face of the Earth didn’t mean non existence. They were with Jesus , enjoying eternal life !

However goodbye meant pain .. Jeff had always made sure that he talked to his Grandfather every weekend . He would advise him to eat well . Was he hoping that would prolong his life? I am not sure !

Unlike the other Grandparents, he took a long time to accept that Jeff was on the Autism spectrum. In the early years , much of his challenges were attributed to ‘bad parenting ‘ much to our dismay . Later on he met a family of a boy with similar condition, in the church . He must have noticed some similarities . A talk with the parents finally helped to change his perspective.

After my parent’s demise , Jeff moved closer to his paternal grandfather . He insisted on visiting him almost every month ; Not a single evening did he forget to pray ardently for Grandpa’s good health . Time and again he asked us why he was staying alone .

Jeff was not his Grandfather’s favourite; .. yet he was the one who called him most frequently . He knew very well that he wasn’t the favoured one – but that was of no consequence as far as he was concerned! His love has always been unconditional..

During his later days , Jeff’s Grandfather seemed to be more concerned about him ,insisting on our praying more fervently for a complete healing . Meanwhile our concept of God had undergone a sea change . God our loving father , would give us whatever we need , at the right time. His will was all that we should seek .

Daddy was always praying in his final days .. God blessed him with a peaceful exit . He was resting in the sofa while he was called home .

Even though I may walk through the shadow of death , I shall fear no evil,for thou art with me , – thy rod and thy staff – they comfort me .

Psalm 23:4

O give thanks to the Lord ,

Call on his name ,

Make known his deeds

Among the peoples .

Sing to him ,Sing praises to him ;

Tell of all his wonderful works .

Glory in his holy name ;

Let the hearts of those who

seek the Lord rejoice!

Psalm 105:1–3

After ‘Arabian Nights ‘ there was a break in theatre classes . It was a time of reflection for us – In the past year , Jeff had no art classes as his teacher had moved out of the city . Though she had promised us to find a suitable professional, it did not materialise.

We had also been searching for an artist, praying fervently all along but to no avail .

Why do you hold back your hand ?

Why do you keep your hand in your bosom ?

Psalm74:11

When we went to our Neurologist for the regular follow up , he asked us if Jeff was attending art classes in the institute attached to a famous gallery in our city . He had told us about this place when he had finished his schooling but we had not looked at that option. The reasons were many . At that time , we had not discovered his talent in Art . Moreover we were wary of sending him to a such a busy place.

This time , however we decided to proceed to this institute , hopeful of finding an artist who would be willing to work with him on one on one basis .

The gallery was a huge building built in traditional architectural style. Behind it stood an unpretentious building called College of Visual Arts. The campus looked very welcoming with plenty of trees around .. There was a cafe tucked away in a corner .

We hurried to the office to make enquiries . Fortunately for us,the Principal was free to meet us – A young ,energetic, unassuming person who instantly put us at ease . After the initial pleasantries, he was keen to see Jeff’s work . Thanks to technology, we had some pictures of this work and practice sheets on our cell phones. Curiously enough , the Principal seemed to be captivated with Jeff’s explorations with water colours . He went on to ask Jeff a few things . Slowly we revealed our intention . But he had a different suggestion altogether.

Why not enrol your son in our bachelor program? he asked . The institution was an evening college catering to persons of different ages and backgrounds. The classes were about to begin .we were just a day away from the closure of admissions. This time there was a child on the spectrum who has applied and Jeff would be the next person.

College ? We weren’t too sure ! Though it was just a few kilometres away from our home, commuting everyday would turn out to be a nightmare considering the heavy traffic in the evenings . Jeff would not be able to use the public transport due to his challenges . Moreover, bachelor’s program would mean exams at the end of every semester. Both Jeff and I never wanted to go through that again ! We expressed our hesitation.

“How can you say ‘No’, before trying this out ? ” insisted the Principal . He urged us to enrol him and try it out for 6 months . At the end of the first semester, we could make a decision and pay the rest of the fees if we decided for it . That sounded like a wise suggestion and we enrolled Jeff for the course .

All the parents were called for counselling . We saw students of various age group- in colourful attires , hair dyed in various hues . My son looked as though he was from another time period altogether! Much to my surprise my conservatively dressed son chose to sit next to one of those interesting personalities!

The teachers were all young and open minded . They wanted some more input about Jeff . We organised a meeting with the teachers and our former mentor when she came down to the city . She described her journey with him in detail . His learning style , strengths, how to engage him in a conversation, the strategies that worked and did not work , she covered it all . She even elicited a few laughs when narrated the instances where he took some directions literally !

Classes began . I have never seen my son so excited and happy about his classes in his academic life.An hour before he left , he would start humming and singing! He announced to all and sundry that he was going to college ! We realised how much it meant to him.It was his long cherished dream ! At the end of the first semester, we confidently proceeded to pay the remainder of the fees .

Trust in the Lord with all your heart ,

And do not rely on your own insight ,

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths .

Proverbs 3:5&6

It was another moment of affirmation.. God has a plan and he reveals it at the right time ..If he had joined immediately after his senior secondary, Covid would have disrupted his classes .. His learning would have been restricted to the confines of internet and home .

I must say that we were pushed to his college , an option we never ever considered, by pure divine intervention. Many a time I had become discouraged thinking why we were unable to find a teacher for him . we had no idea that behind the curtain, God was busy , putting his plan together .His watchful eyes never left us !

For surely I know the plans I have for you , says the Lord , plans for your welfare and not for harm , to give you a future with hope .

Jeremiah 29:11